Some offices tout a shiny foosball table with sleek styling, chrome-plated steel rods, thick sidewalls, a laminated cabinet …. I mean you could eat off the thing. At Simpli.fi, well our foosball table has character, the score markers on one side are bolts instead of markers and there’s a gash in the table reportedly suffered at the hands of a sword. The wound was apparently incurred under the previous owner, who was a hoarder, but…more on that later. All of the foosmen have been replaced, “It’s been monkey-patched hardcore,” Josh Taylor, a member of the SiFi development team says and I can’t help but stifle a laugh. But the development team guys wouldn’t have it any other way, self admittedly they abuse that table, and I don’t think the other guys’ spiffy new table could take it.

So, I’ll let the cat out of the bag – I’m a girl, now that we’re clear on that…I’ve won Foos once over the course of employment at Simpli.fi. (It’s harder than it looks people). You might be tempted to tell me, “Oh that’s not that bad,” or offer some other line of encouragement, but save it – I know I suck. I have won a single game – one single glorious game….and that’s only because I got to partner with one of our dev team guys.

The dev team takes much deserved breaks at  least 3 times a day – and they’re pretty darn good. So, I thought of a pretty brilliant evil master plan — ask for some “tips and techniques”  masked under the veil of… “Oh, I’m writing a blog”. All in the name of research. Smart…. I know.

I got some pretty good feedback:

When asked the hardest part of foosball Jake Good, states that passing between rows is the toughest aspect. “Foos takes a lot of hand/eye coordination …. it’s all about timing,” he says. — This explains a lot as to why my foosball skills are so bad…. I’ve got about this many patience (0). Duly noted Jacob…. Thank you good sir.

Moving on. When asked his favorite shot, Brandon Aaron, oddly… gives me his most hated shot. The DEMORALIZER – which occurs when the defense is hitting the ball across the field and the offense immediately blocks it and powers the ball into the goal. He then proceeds to tell me his least favorite serve – Michael Peck’s “In the Air” serve, where according to reports Michael literally throws the ball into the hole and one of his foosmen hits it before it even touches the table and… score.  FYI: He also hates 5 guy goals – where the row of 5 guys has the ball and they take a shot and then they make it. “It’s hard to block, got lots of speed and is short field,” he says. I feel less good about this tips and technique acquiring tactic now… it seems Brandon has a lot of pent up anger, would probably kick my @**, thus playing him will only further embarrass me.

Michael Peck’s fav move: The Double Deception – this happens when he unintentionally misses a shot only to pretend he was faking someone out.  I determine I cannot employ this tactic — because in order to do so, first I would have to get good enough for the other players to believe  me when I pass a miss off as a fake out, and I’ll just go ahead and say now that this isn’t happening for approximately…. 6 years.

So, the final question I ask is: On a scale of 1 to 5 how would you rate your foos abilities? (Master question, two pronged approach designed to identify the weakest player, thus the guy I need on the other team AND the best player to recruit for my team —- winning strategy? I think so)

“Let’s just say this,” Brandon starts, “I think if we went to a bar we could get free drinks all night off foosball.”

Josh: “Not if we went to a foosball bar, then we’d get killed.”

…..Mission Accomplished. See you on the field boys.

Simpli.fi employs some of the most incredible programmers, hackers and general all around data gurus.  Together they are building ad technology that is changing our industry and we genuinely adore this team. Click here if you’re interested in joining the dev team – we are looking for talented hackers.